I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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