I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
