i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
