i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
