i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
