he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
