Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
