i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
