I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
