I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
