There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
