My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
