Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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