Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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