i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
