barbara walters just said penis...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
