I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
