Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
