You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
