I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
