Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
