i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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