I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I enjoy the company of your penis
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
