the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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