It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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