Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
