are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
