shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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