What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You made out with two different species that night
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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