Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
