Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
