i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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