I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
