Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
