First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
