Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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