how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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