I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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