Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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