Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize