HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
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I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
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It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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