you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
