so that wasnt chicken after all
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
