I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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