if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
