Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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