I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
