He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
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By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
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Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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