My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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