my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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