Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
