I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
