life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
This toilet bowl is my home.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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