Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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