i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
