I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
