she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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