That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
