Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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