My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
