Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
