I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
