Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
