My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
