8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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