I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
