If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
