then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
