I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
