He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
