My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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