Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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