The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
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