I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Life without a bra equals bliss.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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