It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
