I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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