Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
