Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
