So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize